


Big Wave

by leaunicorn



Category: BTOB
Genre: Alcohol, Big Wave, Complete, Confessions, First Kiss, Ilsik - Freeform, M/M, Ocean, One Shot, SikHoon, Songfic, Vacation, other members are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 23:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17069345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leaunicorn/pseuds/leaunicorn
Summary: "Do you know why I love the ocean so much?", asked Hyunsik once he had finished the alcohol. Ilhoon shook his head no as the older turned his head to briefly look at him."It bears many secrets", was his answer as he shifted his gaze to look at the crashing waves again.They sat in silence for a while until Ilhoon spoke for the first time that night."Probably. I know it bears my secrets well..."Hyunsik looked at Ilhoon who had his gaze still on the older and added "Yeah, mine, too."





	Big Wave

Ilhoon was drunk, which was surprising, since he was known to hold his liquor quite well. 

He felt the sand under his feet, as he sat down on the quiet beach and proceeded to take off his shoes.  
The dark night sky was laying over the ocean like a blanket. No stars in sight. 

He thought about the past week he and Hyunsik had spent in California together. It was supposed to be for inspiration since they had plans of a new album coming up and as main composers for their group they needed to experience new things that could inspire them to write new music. 

It wasn't a secret that Ilhoon liked Hyunsik more that the other BtoB members. Everyone knew, they just didn't know to wich extend this favouritism went. 

Ilhoon has had a crush on Hyunsik for years now.  
It was natural for him to feel closer to Hyunsik compared to his other band mates, but when he realised that his feelings had a much deeper meaning than just friendship he didn't know what to do. 

He had asked Eunkwang about it once and that's how the elder got to know his secret. It was kept as a secret between the two for a long time but then Minhyuk got suspicious and since Eunkwang couldn't keep anything from Minhyuk for long, his secret wasn't so secret anymore. 

Peniel was the next one to find out. He was a rather quiet being but observed his surroundings very well, so he figured it out by himself. He and Ilhoon talked about it briefly, but nothing much was shared except surprise on Ilhoons side and comfort on Peniels.

Changsub and Sungjae were still left in the dark. Ilhoon did not plan on telling them, since they were the most likely to let it slip accidentally and he couldn't take that risk. 

Ilhoon himself was still feeling insecure because of his feelings towards a fellow member. He accepted it but that didn't make it easier. 

And then there was of course the vacation trip they were currently on.

He let his gaze set on the waves that rushed to the shore and let themselves glide back into the deep waters.  
The ocean reminded him of Hyunsik.  
Not only does Hyunsik love the Ocean, he himself is like the ocean to Ilhoon. His eyes are as deep as the sea, his voice is as smooth as the waves.  
The soft melody of SWIMMING started playing in his head and he managed to smile a little. 

He should write a song about the ocean, too. A love song in a way, but only to him. A secret love song if you will.

 _I'm never gonna be the same_  
_I'm just waiting for the big wave_  
_Since I came to this beach yeah_  
_When a big wave comes_  
_I believe I can do something (really)_  
_Someone told me you should beware_  
_Everyone tells me not to go close_  
_But I wanna do the opposite_  
_I would never ever be the same_

He wondered what it would be like to be with Hyunsik, not as friends, as lovers. There would be hardships they had to conquer, but together they would make it through. There would be laughs they would share and tears they would wipe off of each other's cheeks.  
There would be hugs and kisses and cuddles.  
He thought about what would change if they were to become lovers somehow.  
He wouldn't be the same.

 _When I was still out of it_  
_They slapped me and sprayed me with_ _water_  
_But when I saw myself reflected in the water,_ _I'm still ok_

He thought about the reaction of his team mates when they found out. They were all the same in a way. Supportive of him, but harsh about his decision. It's not as if he could choose who he wanted to fall in love with.  
They didn't really care about the fact that Ilhoon was gay, what bothered them was that he was in love with Hyunsik. Because they were supposed to be brothers, members of the same group, family, but it just didn't feel that way for Ilhoon. He never saw Hyunsik as family but as so much more. To him, Hyunsik was his soulmate. His other half that he couldn't live without. He realised it even before their debut. He gravitated towards Hyunsik in every way, Hyunsik was his rock in the chaos of life. He was the only one who could cheer him up if he was upset and the only one who knew what he was feeling without him having to say a word.  
He wouldn't be where he is now without Hyunsik.

 _I just wanna follow wallow wallow_  
_Man, I'm floatin' alone alone alone_  
_There's no one who follow wallow wallow_  
_It feels like I'm sober when it gets over_

But to Hyunsik he was probably just a cute, sometimes annoying little brother. The way it was supposed to be.  
He felt alone. In a city he didn't know with the person he loves who doesn't love him back.  
That's why he got the alcohol. He thought that he wouldn't feel so alone if he was drunk and couldn't think straight. The effect was quite the opposite. He felt alone like never before and he wished it would all be over soon.

 _I'm just waiting for the big wave,_ _brother_  
_I can't pick up the phone at sea_

He was frightened when someone sat down beside him.  
Their shoulders were touching and the warmth that was radiating off of the other person sent shivers through him. He relaxed once he noticed that this warmth was familiar, almost too familiar.  
"I was looking for you. You left your phone in your room", said Hyunsik in a soft voice, to not break the silence too much. He handed the younger his phone who took it and looked at it as if it was an alien for a few moments. Then he put his phone in his pocket and nodded his head as a form of 'thank you'. He didn't trust his voice and didn't dare to look over to the older male. 

_Even though I was flipped over several times_  
_My arms have never stopped, professional_  
_I'm just tryna I'm just tryna keep going_  
_Everything I was curious about past the_ _horizon_  
_I just wanna I just wanna do my job_  
_Sometimes, I'm so tired, I drool while_ _sleeping, wake up_

__

He went through a lot because of his stupid heart and his stupid feelings and sometimes he cursed himself for it. He had to deal with his feelings in secret for years now and there were moments he wished he didn't like Hyunsik. It would make his life a lot easier and less painful, but the heart wants what it wants and apparently it wanted Hyunsik.

Out of nowhere the almost empty bottle of something Ilhoon forgot the name of, was taken out of his hand and Ilhoons gaze followed the bottle which ended up against plump, pink lips, that were just so kissable and the remains of alcohol disappeared between said lips. Ilhoon stared at Hyunsik once his gaze had settled on the others face. He couldn't look away.  
Hyunsik kept looking at the ocean.  
"Do you know why I love the ocean so much?", asked Hyunsik once he had finished the alcohol. Ilhoon shook his head no as the older turned his head to briefly look at him.  
"It bears many secrets", was his answer as he shifted his gaze to look at the crashing waves again. 

They sat in silence for a while until Ilhoon spoke for the first time that night.  
"Probably. I know it bears my secrets well..."  
Hyunsik looked at Ilhoon who had his ganze still on the older and added "Yeah, mine, too."

They looked into each other's eyes for a while. Searching for answers they didn't find, because they were hidden behind layers and layers of walls they each built to protect themselves.  
But like magnets, their faces came closer and closer by the second. And all the answers they couldn't see, they felt, as their lips touched for the first time. Extacy was running through their veins as they continued to move their lips together in perfect sync as if they had done this a million times before. 

Ilhoon didn't know how to think anymore. His mind was blank and all the could do was feel. Feel Hyunsik against him and the warmth that had appeared the second the other had taken a seat beside him. Feel the need for oxygen in his lungs, but refusing to give in to the need of air just to feel this warmth a little bit longer and Hyunsiks lips against his own for one more moment.  
As their lungs started to burn because of the lack of oxygen they pulled away but kept close to each other. Hyunsik pressed his forehead against Ilhoons and looked him in the eyes once more, a smile tugging at his lips.

Ilhoon was speechless. Hyunsik had literally kissed the words out of him and all he could do was stare dumbfounded at the older. It took some time for him to realise what had just happened and once it got to him that he had just kissed his crush, he panicked. 

He got up and ran. He ran away from Hyunsik and his feelings and the empty bottle of alcohol.  
Before he had completely turned around to escape he saw Hyunsik getting up himself and after hearing the other call his name, he was sure that he was following him. 

He ran as fast as he possibly could but Hyunsik was faster.  
Damn Hyunsik and his enormous thighs!  
Once the older was close enough he took a hold of Ilhoons arm and turned him around in an attempt to stop him, which worked. 

As they were facing each other again, Hyunsik could see the tears running down Ilhoons face and slowly brought his hand up to his face to wipe them away.  
"Why did you run away?", he asked softly after Ilhoons tears were mostly dried. 

"Can the ocean bear this secret as well? Our secret?", Ilhoon said instead, his voice close to breaking.  
"No", Hyunsik said with a stern voice. "I don't want this to be a secret anymore."

"What do you mean?", Ilhoon wanted to know confused.  
" I mean", Hyunsik took both of Ilhoons hands in his own, "I want to kiss you again. I want to hold you and care for you. I want to love you, Ilhoon." He placed a kiss on the younger's knuckles, looked him in the eyes and Ilhoon could have sworn he was staring right into his soul. 

"I love you", Hyunsik confessed. "I have for a long time, but I was always too afraid of your feelings towards me, so I didn't say or do anything. What if you didn't love me back? What if you were disgusted by me? I was never sure how you'd react so I kept quiet." 

"You're such a fool, Im Hyunsik", Ilhoon had tears in his eyes again but these were happy tears.  
He was very shocked and confused, but very happy. He never knew his favourite human loved him the same way he loved him. He never would have guessed that he would be standing on a beach in California in the middle of the night and getting a confession from his one and only love. His soulmate.  
"I love you, too. So much.", was what he said and decided they could talk about all of this later, but for now they should savour this moment and make it last, so he kissed Hyunsik, again. 

_Man, I got something better better_  
_I can't go on with my head down_  
_Cuz my pride is strong for no reason_  
_But I keep clashing_  
_I just wanna go flex flex_  
_From the start to the end, Play play_  
_I wait till it comes, Wave_  
_Such a beautiful big wave_

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is my first ever fanfic. I hope you like it! :)  
> English is not my first language, but I hope it’s understandable somehow :D  
> I would appreciate if you left feedback in the comments so I know how you liked this story! :)  
> Thx!  
> Lea xx


End file.
